I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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