I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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