you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
