Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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