Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
