hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
then he tried to convert me to islam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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