Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I hope mine doesn't look like that
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
