I'm so fucking centered right now
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
