I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
