Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
