moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
