I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
