Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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