im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
All the doctor said was why
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
