you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
