I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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