We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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