Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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