also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
