it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
