Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
