you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
