Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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