So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im six kinds of drunk right now
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
