White coat. Heels.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize