My first STD was from a foam party
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
