So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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