He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
