dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
