I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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