Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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