I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
