New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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