i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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