this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
