Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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