Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
