it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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