hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
