dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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