she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(