you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
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I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3