I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
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Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.