fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
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dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
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Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.