So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i've created a new STD.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
