smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
