OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
