After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
