Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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