ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
