Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
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Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
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Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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