i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
