he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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