evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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