i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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