Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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