but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
