Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
