he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
