Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Can i not drive my cunt home
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
