If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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