I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
