I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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