After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
