I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My room smells like vodka and shame
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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