sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
