I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
