some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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