I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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