Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
