guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
