unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
