if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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