I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
