Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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