I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
