theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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