The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
