He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
is wine microwaveable?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
