I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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